Most addicts have missing teeth, greasy hair, streaky faces, unwashed clothes, a brew in one hand, ciggy in the other, and every other word begins with an f. Not this one! You can’t really tell her apart from the rest of the “straights.” out there. Not until you look her in the eyes. She’s clever like that. For she has a secret. She knows what it’s like to be on the “other side’. She knows because she spent most of her life there….Out of it, wasted, shot away. On drugs since her teenage years, her younger days are a blur, a hazy memory. She’s been clean for over 10 years, and now she’s recovered, she just wants to be normal, to be one of the “in ” crowd.
But she knows she never will be. She is beyond “normal.” There is nothing “normal” about her, or her past. She doesn’t even know what normal is!
She’s “in-between” worlds; in the twilight zone. Her secrets are deep. Her cupboards are dark. Her memories of dingy squalid squats and hopeless drug addicts with needles hanging out of places the average person didn’t even know they had, will haunt her forever. She has no idea how she fell into the grim, dismal world of addiction, depravity and despair, and she has no idea how she got out of it either. She just knows she is lucky to be alive. Many of her old friends are dead. The rest are still addicts so she doesn’t want to see them. She’s a recluse, a loner, an outcast.
Her only way out is to help others who are still in the sordid world of drugs; stuck in that hell hole of self destruction and abuse. She hates being around it. It makes her feel sick. But it’s what she knows. So she does what she can. She reaches out to those in need, those who want to be saved; and she tries to pull them out. She desperately wants to lead a normal life, but she has no idea what that is, and doesn’t really understand how the “real” world works; even if she could get away from the sketchy past that just won’t leave her alone. She is glad she learnt to play the guitar and write songs, when she was young, before she was an addict. Music is the one thing that kept her alive; that she always comes back to, that makes her feel normal and that saves her soul from drowning, in this crazy, upside down world of addiction.